Scared to Eat

I know it has been two weeks since my last blog.  Well the week of my first blog i was doing the lemonade diet..FAILED. My church is fasting for 21 days so I choose the daniel fast...FAILED. I know I won't succeed until I get my mind right. 

I feel like i need any and every resource available to me to succeed. I'm an emotional eater, I'm an over eater, and I love food.  After 20 years of battling with my weight I THINK i'm determined to succeed. I THOUGHT i was determined the last 10 times I attempted to lose weight and I always end up at square one. I spoke to a friend about this and she didn't quite understand my issues she thinks all i have to do is not think about food or not eat this or that. NO, it isn't that easy or I would be at my goal weight now.

Anyway last Saturday I went to a OA meeting (overeaters anonymous). That will be one of my resources to conquer my issues. It was a good meeting and I found it very helpful. I will definitely continue to go as I figure this all out.

Now to my blog title "scared to eat". I feel like i've gotten my eating under control while i was doing the daniel fast and only being able to eat certain foods. Even though i failed by eating foods that I wasn't supposed to eat I always got back on track until my next fail.  However, as I decided to end my fast because I kept "failing", I'm scared to incorporate the foods back because I don't want to get out of control again.  I know I have to plan because that will help me to succeed. However, knowing and doing is 2 different things and hopeful I will start doing.  I'm going to start posting the food i'm eating which will help with

Until my next post....

I Binged

It has a name and its called binging. I didn't want to post about the master cleanse I was doing but if I'm going to journal my journey than i must be honest. I failed on day one of a 10 day cleanse and what I've realized from reading other blogs is that 1) I binge and 2) I self sabotage and 3) I'm not alone. This morning the tears formed in my eyes as I got an email from a boot camp I did last year that yielded me little results. Why? because of my eating. So this email has 5 questions which I can answer Yes to 4 of them. One of them being "have you found that you eat especially when you are emotional?".  I know I'm an emotional eater but the whole binging and self sabotaging thing I wasn't aware.

As I've been reflecting I felt like I've needed to do all things possible to help me become "free" from food. If i can join all the challenges I come across and possibly join eaters anonymous. Maybe the 12 step approach is what I need to finally get my eating under control.

As I type this my nephew is making a hamburger and it smells so good. Goodness what is wrong with me?

Post 1

I want to win. I don't want to lose and i've been losing this battle for 20 years. What is it going to take? What has to happen? Have I not hit my rock bottom? The first step is to recognize the problem. now what?